the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
