So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
