If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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