I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
