I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
