Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
