I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
