I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
