U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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