the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
