I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
