i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize