I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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