I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
