What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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