And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize