I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
