I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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