$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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