he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
