I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
