u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
