I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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