Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
