3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
