Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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