Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
