to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize