i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
