Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize