just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
