you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
