if i can run in heels then i can drive
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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