I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
