New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm too high and old for this...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize