you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
