So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
