Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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