i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
