it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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