would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
