I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my poor anus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
