Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize