I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize