I wish I could teleport
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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