You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
