Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
