i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
