at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
