So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
