so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
tell me about the fingering
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