there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
