Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
