after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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