She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
