i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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