Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
