Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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