i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
