I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
