Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
