3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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