I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
